Summer. It burns for you. Like the road to Hell. I hope your karmic credit is in good standing!
Ah how I long for thee Dear Summer! I can’t wait until I’m bitching about how hot it is, how much I hate sweating all the time, and that i can’t wait for Fall when it’s cooler. 😀 The Vestival of Vests Summer Edition was both a pleasure and a challenge to pull off – the easiest part was picking which vest. Red, of course! After that? Ahhh, it was…
Always on the Highway to Hell, thank the Heavens I got the Commute Rail pass! 😀
Ha! That it wasn’t, but I couldn’t pass up on the terrible pun involved. So Summer makes me a bit nerd giddy because it also has a tarot card on above the right breast pocket, a symbol on the cowl, and a movie ticket as the name placard on the left breast pocket – just like Spring. The color schemes worked together so well, I was stunned they weren’t sold this way. All the abovementioned patches are from Hot Topic, as well as the vest itself!
A hazy, heavy, looming Death, isn’t it? SHEESH.
Oh Louise; you are my totem Love, do you know that?
The progression of the vest is what really brought it all together; originally it was going to be about Hell and nod into that but then as things worked out for patch options, I was able to sharpen it and give it deeper value. I wanted to draw a firm line between Summer and Fall on their themes, though both deal with Death, I wanted Summer to be about DAMNATION and Fall to be about… Other options than the great beyond. IE, didn’t get either ticket per se. 😉 Sidestepping an Abraham religion nod directly, I went more with a … Karmic debt angle that is more universal.
I couldn’t pass up the option to bring up my favorite Vengeance demon, ANYA!!!
As Saint Wheaton puts it, “Don’t be a Dick!”
Anyone else suddenly want to listen to Squirrel Nut Zippers?
“If you did something to bring me to your door, you had to know I was coming” – Gross Pointe Blank, Mr. Blank himself.
The addition of the ‘Bee Kind’ and naturally, the Devil Mask from the BEISTLE Collection at Creepy Co, it brought things towards the right directly. Be an Asshole, and be drug to Hell. Ah now it was really coming along. I had a few stray patches in my collection that didn’t have homes and I kept trying to put them somewhere, ANYWHERE but I couldn’t find the right application and didn’t want to force it. That’s because apparently I was waiting on discovering the “Welcome to my Dead Talk” from Hot Topic and suddenly I had my own little 3 cell message for my back panel:
I mean, that’s what happens when you are a dick – you get fiery, terrible shaft… Straight to Hell.
The last piece was a loose acquisition that only drove home the point and made the back that much more interesting. I was already pretty content with how it turned out; a solid consistent theme so I didn’t want to blur or shift it. But when this bastard comes a-calling, you hear him out. And if there was ever a guy who drug people to Hell, or shacked them really…
I can almost feel his hot breath on my neck, asking if I have been a good lad or a TERRIBLE ONE.
Ah Krampus!!! One of my favorite Yuletide deities. I loved the book by Brom regarding Krampus and it brought me that much close to the mythology and a new personal divine creature to revere. He was the perfect addition to the vest and his placement only makes it that much more… Sly as you really don’t know you have upset until you are upside down and looking at his back, right before he thrashes you firmly with his rods and puts you in his sack of mischief.
The back in all it’s glory!! I may just leave this be – but who knows what I might find on my journeys!!
Fun Fact – In case you are of the Philly geographic region and thought you saw me once wear this vest at a party, you aren’t confused! It was originally purchased as a part of a costume as ‘Logan Berry Bush’ from Bob’s Burgers. My lovely wife went as an older Louise for Halloween and we ‘friend fic shipped them’ as romantic partners after Louise got out of High School. He always loved Louise’s Bunny Ears so she bought him a pair of Fox Ears and here’s the result of that narrative!! Drink in hand and being my normal, awkward self!!
As you can see, Logan is a bit of an, ah, ass, when he first meets Louise.
Alright, that’s it folks!! I hope you enjoy the jacket and I will post Fall next week!! CHEERS!!!
Spring’s Vest brings it’s own vibrant presence, with a Wheel of Fortune and a ticket to the Shit how. Lucky you.
With Winter being so elegant, still, and unnerving, Spring comes bounding around the corner with triple the number of patches and what feels like endless enthusiasm.
Spring is the first of two (followed by Summer) vest that has a tarot card as the right pocket designation, a “ticket” as the name plate on it, and a patch on the detachable hoodie cowl. It was a pattern that fell into place due to purchasing opportunities from Hot Topic and I capitalized on those options!
I love the fact that the Wheel of Fortune is both a tarot patch AND a show!!!
It’s really a second two hit wonder – both the 8 Ball Fortune angle and it really makes me want to own Lucky Jeans again. Ha!
The overall theme is two fold – the onslaught of spring bursting through Winter’s hold, rife with possibilities, and just how many shows, movies, and cultural phenomenon build up a patchwork brand personality that makes us all up. These are all shows and/or movies I’ve watched that have become a part of my personality and ultimately, me. Some are cartoons, some are game shows, some are goofy live action shows, some are just simply off the wall entirely.
Both Spring and Fall were vest sets sold by Hot Topic as denim hoodies with removable sleeves and hood cowls. Spring and Fall are also the only two jacket/vests that have patches past the front pockets, which means I had to switch around the interior pockets on both to pull the patches off but they are not NEARLY challenging as putting the patches on front pockets – such a tight turn around but it’s so worth it when they get framed up so fricking well!!
How could I pass on having Space Force on this vest/jacket?
OH ZERO, HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AS THE HEART PATCH!
I would be remiss to not directly acknowledge the madness that is Pickle Rick and naturally Button Eyed Coraline. Pickle Rick is actually a vinyl patch, one of the few in my collection. He came to me with a velcro backing, which I had to remove in order to stitch him to the jacket. I found other options on eBay but saw this listing and took a dive on it – so very, VERY glad I did! And naturally Coraline, which is one of my favorite Tim Burton pieces, very much belongs on this piece with all the complexities that she represents about found family and being your true self.
And I know better to acknowledge Lord Vader in his Sugar Skull variant, as I do not wish to upset the Empire:
The back was rather tricky; especially the lower section. I actually started, moved, and readjusted the back multiple times to get spacing and color flow just right to bring it together. Some of the patches showed up later than the rest and naturally the MASSIVE White Lotus Pai Sho tile rather threw things into a challenge to get everything in the right place. I wasn’t planning on getting a White Lotus piece that big but it was a cost effective choice from a small production site on Esty (the 2″ version was only a dollar cheaper if I recall, which I get on a materials/labor view). Other than Pickle Rick and the White Lotus tile patch, everything else came from Hot Topic believe it or not!
Most of these patches I believe are going to be familiar with everyone or at least most folks but I will go through them in detail in case they are lost on anyone – I have no desire to be an elitist gatekeeper with pretentious dripping tones of, “What do you MEAN you don’t know what this means?” Good fuck, go get a light bulb and screw yourself man. Not me Fam, I will GLADLY tell you all the things! Shit should be shared, not held over someone’s head like an ass!
Voltron patch; both a nod to the original and the reboot animated series! I loved them both for different reasons!
Ah the Winchester Boys from Supernatural. 5 seasons of original material, 10 encore seasons after that. Just crazy man.
No idea if this is official Scooby Doo material but in head canon this entirely tracks and I believe it!
And of course the Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo. Still have no idea how four adults, a dog, and a puppy lived in this!
Naturally a Star Wars patch and my Hogwarts House Crest patch since I’m an Gryffindor!
Spider Man has always been my Marvel hero from childhood and underneath him is Rick and Morty from the show of the same name.
Dunder Mifflin Paper Co is from the American variant of The Office
This is the Cobra Kai karate Dojo, both of the Karate Kid and Cobra Kai reboot series now currently on Netflix!
Gillman from the Black Lagoon – one of the only patches to be on two different vest in the Vestivals line!
This is a Red Koi fish that represents Big Fish; a very heartwarming but very emotionally intense Tim Burton movie.
The White Lotus Pai Sho tile from Avatar: The Last Airbender animated series
And naturally Appa, the loving and fierce (when provoked) air bison bound to Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender
Stitch from Lily and Stitch!
Steamboat Willie from the famed ‘Steamboat Willie’ from many, MANY years ago at Disney!
This is a vest/jacket that I will likely add things to in the future but for the time being, IT’S DONE. Of the four, this is the one with the most patches and was the most challenging to sort out. All the patches are different sizes and shapes but it’s so worth it! I hope you enjoyed viewing it as much as I did putting it together!!
This all started because I got an adorable Geometric shaded Fox from Hot Topic. I adored him so much but I didn’t know where to put him (since I have a strong affinity with Foxes) so I held off. I had a few options I could have placed him but nothing was really ZINGing it for me. So he patiently waited for me to sort it out.
Fast forward who the frack knows; I run into a menagerie of Geometric Animals on Etsy doing a patches cruise, first catching the eye of the Tiger and tracked down the rest. The Koala was hiding out on Amazon and I had to snag him solo. To bring it all together, I had a “Alone but Not Lonely” patch I snagged for a family friend but it didn’t apply to them anymore because they are happily twined with someone and I couldn’t have been happier for them!
But what was I going to put this lovely collection of wild animals? It felt like something Tarzan would own to remind him of his upbringing so something of earth tones and applicable for traveling. Definitely one of our traveling packs; as I felt this collection of patches meant that one was in the world but not alone because they got to enjoy the presence of nature and wild life.
I thought about snagging a fresh Map Pack but I already have SO MANY PACKS that honestly I needed to buckle down and grab one of the ones I already had. Buried in the closet, underneath my massive gym bag and the cat carrier was ‘The Wanderer’ which was a cheap green canvas Mossimo bag I picked up on clearance for $8 from my fav retail store Target! We used it a few times but it was buried and forgotten about. PERFECT!
I went with a ‘Lining’ style approach on the bag so the animals trimmed the zipper and matched each of the animals to their similar counterpart and once I exhausted that option, color similarities. I used clear polyester thread to stitch the patches on so they wouldn’t get too disrupted. I don’t mind using this thread style but it can be very fragile and tangles very easily, on top of being not the most secure/easily torn off unless it’s very tight stitch. But naturally invisible stitches! Other than a little pinching here and there on the patch weave on a few, they turned out very well.
Maybe someday down the road I will find them some more friends or perhaps some shrubs or something to line the bottom – I don’t think this particular piece is done per se but I’m very glad on how it turned out! I stuffed some robes into the bag to give it shape to make it more presentable. Man it makes me miss traveling – hopefully soon!!
I hope you enjoyed this one as much I did picking out the patches and pulling it together!!
The ‘Silver Scream’ vest; featuring Creatures of the Universal Studios Classic Monsters line up.
Greetings my Friends and welcome to my first entry in the Vestival Work I have done as a part of my COVID-19 quarantine craft projects!!
Quick introduction to this particular part of this leg of my patch work crafting – this is one of four vests/jackets I worked on from Hot Topic. Each have their own color, some have removable arms, some are just straight up denim vests.
Each have their own theme, season that they are attached to, and their own flair and approach. Some are really elaborate, and some are very elegant in approach. Each patch is hand stitched on and carefully chosen for each jacket.
The Four Vests of the Vestival of Vests (I have gotten a little stir crazy yah? Yeah. 😀 )
So the cruel ‘Bite’ of Winter started off as almost not happening; I was on the fence about doing a fourth and final vest at the point I came onto it. Hot Topic was offering a deep discount on the vest and I kept coming back to it (not counting Facebook ads, me just not stop thinking about it). I have ALWAYS been a fan of the Universal Studios Classic Monsters of the Silver era of film; I have Frankenstein’s monster on every articles and naturally who could forget Monster Squad?
Ah dear sweet Horus, we already miss you!!
While I was still on the fence, Creepy Company sweetened my Cauldron by offering a deep discount on their site on patches; 50% and there was a Bela Lugosi patch that I was NOT going to pass on!! I checked my craft budget and it was just enough to pull off for about $50. SO I pulled all the triggers.
Who knew Dracula’s face would be so soft?! And yes, his eyes do glow in the dark so that’s EXTRA creepy. ❤
So the standing theme is naturally, ‘Silver Scream’ and it would involve Universal Studio classic Monsters on an black backed, acid washed vest from Hot Topic.
It has this great ‘mist/fog’ atmospheric feel to it but also a bit of a Silver wash feel at the same time that really helped bring this particular project together. I mostly used black upholstery thread from Coats and Clark, with the exception of Gillman, which I used clear polyester thread to not throw his appearance!!
The front section!! The lovely couple on the pockets are proper functional pockets; I didn’t stitch through 😛
Deucalion (Frankenstein’s Monster), his Bride, and Mothman were all purchased from Hot Topic, whereas the Chomping Teeth are from Creepy Co and their branding symbol.
I reserve the upper left breast area of my jackets and vests as a point of definition and designation and felt that the Fanged Teeth to be quite appropriate for such a venture. I ALMOST bought a Monster Squad patch for the jacket but decided to nod the original material. I’m that film geek.
The Back of the Vest in All it’s Glory!! I think it’s done, which is rare for me – usually I like to add things. Not this time.
Honestly this may be one of my best vests and jackets I’ve ever done because the patches just CAME together very naturally. I had to dig around a little bit to get all the pieces but it was WORTH IT. The flow is very clean and does a very good nod to Monster Squad without falling into it. Maybe at some point I’ll cave and put it’s patch on the middle back under the hood but we’ll see.
These four almost need no introduction but I’ll throw it out to honor them. Naturally we have this MASSIVE Bela Lugosi as Dracula center patch that is just stunning (so many pins to hold him in – I don’t iron on anyways but he has no iron on back, it’s assumed he will be stitched on.) The Mummy and Gillman flank Deucalion with such solid symmetry I am I kinda surprised they weren’t SOLD that way. But hey, if I can make it work on my end, I’m all for it!
Oh the stories to tell on these patches!!
So when I was putting this vest together, it was one of the reasons I DIDN’T go Monster Squad directly because it would limit me on what patches I could go with and keep the theme. They unfortunately only made one movie so I stepped back into the source material to spread my options open and focused on Classic Horror. My previous partner, Jen, was very much into Classic Horror concepts and that interest has been rekindled with my friend Rob so I went hunting for options!
The Phantom of the Opera was almost a given, as well as the Invisible Man – The Phantom was located on Etsy and The Invisible Man on Amazon of all places. The Black Cat is also from Hot Topic or Monsterologists, whether you want to get them from the source or from their vendor. The Wolf Man is from Ebay and was mailed out from Cali so he was the LAST to show up but holy crap I love how The Black Cat and the The Wolf Man use their shading and placement so fricking well!!
NOW TO ADDRESS THE MONSTER IN THE ROOM. Now if you are a hardcore Classic Horror film buff, there is very much a stranger in the fold. Mothman is most certainly not a classic; The Mothman Chronicles starring Richard Gere and likely a myriad of supernatural small screen series have featured this Cryptid but he’s not formally a classic monster.
But I have a soft spot for this strange, fuzzy bastard and it’s a running bit with my wife who loves Mothman so here he is. ❤ That and his coloring and shading totally makes it look like he’s a 50’s era film monster so fuck brother, it’s done.
I chose this particular vest for Winter as it is chilling (both conceptually and lacking sleeves) and the acid wash looks almost like bleak winter nights where every single, violent, bone chilling sound, just carries for yards across an open field as a pair of luminescent eyes pierce the gloom… right into your soul. You keep up on cardio right? Good shoes? Good, you should, ah, get a head start. JUST. RUN.
ANYWHO. SO here’s my project for the first vest of the vestival set, I can’t wait to show you the rest!!
I started a new process last year about having goal directions and less concrete goals so I felt less pressured to maintain those goals and more to maintain a mentality/direction as a focus goal.
Did I have some kind of precognitive understanding that 2020 was going to be overcome with a pandemic and any concrete goals I had planned were going to be a wash? Because SHEESH.
Looking back, I know that I did my best during some crazy ass times. I didn’t work out nearly as much as I had hoped I would and that’s okay. I started writing a little more which is great, progress is progress. More important I stayed home as much as possible and kept myself and everyone around me healthy and safe for doing so. That is a damn fine win as far as I’m concerned.
This year; I do have some concrete goals in mind but I feel they are manageable ones, even and especially with the pandemic in mind as it is still quite underway (and still taking lives).
Obtaining my CSCP certification – This is the Certified Supply Chain Professional certification that would be a fair crowning jewel on my resume/CV. It would solidify my background and help me achieve the next step in my career path – becoming a Senior Supply Chain Manager or an equivocal role. It’s been a long time in the making and I’m looking forward to it.
Blog weekly on both blogs and write fiction often – This has been a struggling goal for me for a while now. I have gotten a few pieces out here and there but I’m hard prioritizing this goal because it is very emotionally fulfilling for me, even if I only get a few glances now and then. I’m going to focus on making content and at a later date, spruce up both sites.
Side note: The second blog is www.domtalos.com, which is my LGBTQAI+/kink/deviant blog if you are interested in reading it – I deliberately keep them separate so people who just want to read my SFW writing can do so comfortably and to keep those topics relevant to a singular blog site versus the rather randomness that can happen on my Gilded Gibberish page.
EXERCISE DAMNIT. I MEAN IT. – Exercise has been a challenge for me, even though I have been doing reasonably well in my mind during the pandemic. I need to deep commit to this and really push this through; I’m in my 40s now and it’s the decade of a person’s life where their health really solidifies, both on a personal culture level and endurance so I need to make this happen.
Stay in the real world and read more – It’s an odd compound goal but a sensible one. I need to make sure to talk with people more directly while also reading more (our book collection is EXTENSIVE). I say this regarding Face-spacing (staring at my phone) and not taking investment actions like talking with people directly or improving my skills/knowledge as I should be.
For now, that’s it. I am going to work on being more socially active but under the current circumstances, I’m allowing that to be a soft goal. If it can be safely done in the future, great. Getting out more would be lovely but in controlled circumstances – going camping would be EXCELLENT this summer – haven’t done that in years at this point. Continue to make excellent food and love my spouse are more every day goals though they are lovely to say in this post. 😀 ❤
Anywho, thank you folks for staying with me!! I appreciate you!!
So the steamer trunk project is something that I had been thinking about for a year; though originally it was not mine to work with – it originally belonged to my sister Lily.
Not long after we moved into our flat in Fall of 2017, the furnace went belly up and took the water heater with it. Not that big of a deal but the water heater freaked out and started just DUMPING water into the basement. There is a sump pump down there but it couldn’t keep up – the whole basement was flooded overnight and a lot of stuff had to get thrown out. It really sucked.
The steamer trunk took A LOT of water damage to it; about 2 inches worth I’d wager. The bottom was utterly a loss and as you can imagine, the musky smell in the trunk itself was… it had character.
Bottom side of the damaged trunk
Inside of the damaged trunk
It was fairly bad. Lily was put out and understandably so, she had the trunk for years. When she moved out in July of 2019, she decided to leave it behind and told me to do with it what I wanted. I poked around at it; it could be repaired if I was crazy enough to fashion a new bottom for it. I gave myself a year deadline to address it so it didn’t take up space if it needed to go.
I had planned to work on it during the Summer hours in which my spouse Liz would be working overtime. As much the pandemic made everything more challenging; interestingly enough, it all kind of fell into place. The project, as it grew and changed in it’s production, really is a series of small steps piled on top of each other. 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there; it helped give me something to focus on to stay sane when things are initializing, and I acclimated to the new… normal I guess.
A plan is formed and slowly takes action:
When I started hammering out details on how to address the steamer trunk, I knew I would need plywood for the bottom. I could go through the trouble of removing all the riveted bands attached to the bottom but sensibly they are all interlaced from its primary construction. I already had the plywood prior to the pandemic, but hadn’t cut it yet – now things were underway, I did that prior to cutting.
I next took on the crazy part of clearing out the damaged sections of the trunk and recover it. I busted out the jig saw and slowly but careful cut out the body of the bottom of the trunk. I didn’t take a picture of the debris that came from it but it was TERRIBLE. The water damage turned the bottom into paper machete tatters. All went into the trash.
Now the tentacle mural was a gift from Lily as well and it dawned on me that it might look amazing as the bottom of the trunk! I would have to cut it length wise but it was too narrow on it’s own to be a true bottom. I knew it would require a wood ‘frame’ for the bottom, which would both allow for the tentacle art to be visible bottom comfortably, and offer substantial support for the functional bottom that would overlap the still viable parts of the trunk frame.
I thought about splitting the tentacle artwork to have a split bottom frame but felt it would have weakened the work and did not feel comfortable with it. So, wrap frame it is. It would have to be a 2 x 4 to be enough but how would it look? I made the cuts on the artwork and tried out the dry fit. It was the anchoring moment that made my skin chill. It was PERFECT!
The weather was on my side, so I drug the chest upstairs for a coating of KILZ on the inside to get rid of the musky smell that comes from older steamer trunks, especially with water damage. I knew this was a good call thanks to Two Purple Couches blog; they had recovered a streamer trunk of their own and were considerably inspirational on the next few steps. Thank you, Folks!!
I picked up the cedar planks that TPC suggested and they are amazing. For me, the trick was not only adjusting for the 2 x 4s present, but also for the fact that the steamer truck is quite large – damn near a foot locker, in size. So many measurements, so many dry fittings, lots of moments bent over the miter saw box; sawing pieces to fit just perfectly. Before I knew it, I had all four sides done. But what about the top? While I was chewing at the idea, I cut the bottom of the steamer trunk and mounted it.
My original plan was to fabric the top as TPC had done; I had fetched some medium grade adhesive from Michael’s and fabric from Jo-Ann’s thanks to curb side pick up but it felt… busy yet lacking. All this volumous space and nothing. I had a great pirate map from Lily as well but it was simply too big to fit in the top; at least in the frame I had for it. Etsy was asking $65 on average for the shape because it was so specific. Blurgh. Maybe I could make my own picture frame?
I enjoyed the cedar pieces with how well they fit together but the edging was missing something. My parents have a cedar closet in their house in Nebraska and the oak curved trim really makes the closet complete. Okay, I can manage that; a quick evening trip to Lowes and a few cuts, viola! I felt like the corners needed something, did some research, and discovered Victorian dust corners! YAY!
I put all the spare pieces together that I had left of the cedar panels. I’ll be damned there is ALMOST a perfect lid covering there, short of some light trimming and shaping. But there would be a cut out center. I had learned in theatre, if something is incongruent, you did one of two things – either you throw it out or embrace the hell out of it. And the whole thing flooded in my mind like a thunderstorm when it started to come together. Something One-eyed Willie would be proud of.
Grabbing a section of the excess plywood from the bottom, I nearly jumped up and down. Shit it would look lovely in the middle of the lid. Okay, so I have a hidden compartment behind the map. But for what? What on earth would I want to hide behind a map, like it was a hidden compartment? My eyes left my head and I nearly threw my phone pulling it from my pocket rushing to Etsy. Why yes, people did make replicas of the props from one of my favorite movies, and reasonably priced. I kept my budget tight and got two of the three primary props; the map and the key (compass later).
The trunk would have a Goonies/Pirate theme and I was madly beside myself in joy over this.
The picture frame would have to now be a shadowbox; the map would have to be somehow floating in the frame, but what about the back? What would be the point of getting this map if you couldn’t see the notes on the back?! Cut out a window for it? I was rolling my eyes at myself just thinking about it – okay, so not only are we going to make a shadowbox from scratch, we’re going to cut out the back? Sure. Right. Totally done this a thousand times. Nope, not even close.
But what the hell, Goonies never say die, right?!
I had already planned on doing a fabric top, so now to figure out a way to incorporate the fabric liner, the cedar panels, AND the back panel. Thankfully I had plenty of the Liquid nails left as recommended by TPC, but the fabric was going to be tricky – there was no way the medium weight spray could manage WOOD. Okay, let’s dive in on this liner crap and see how it goes.
MAN, I will never complain about putting sheets on a bed again for the rest of my life. So glad I with medium grade that allows repositioning and that slimmer TPC mentioned was a GODDESSSEND. I did my best to fold, pre-line, cut strategically in a slow but steady pattern, and it still cost me a Saturday afternoon to get it all JUST RIGHT.
In order to pull off all the tricks I wanted to do with the lid, I had to get creative with the adhesive spray. I needed an area of the lid that was open to the liquid nails for the woodwork but wanted congruency on the fabric. Once I got the fabric measured and cut, I put down painter’s tape on the area I didn’t want the fabric to stick to. Once the adhesive was set, I cut it out for the wood gluing.
Listen to TPC but also, my suggestions for the no-sew approach:
Clothes Pin the corners – I used these to frame a corner then carefully cut out the excess. This includes making sure to make a TINY corner above your large corner for the lid. Create the corner, trim excess, repeat. Double sided tape, a suggestion from my friend Nick, helps a lot too!
As always, measure 4 times, almost cut once, measure again, THEN cut.
Just buy the dowel, it’s worth it – The hardest part of the whole lid process is the back edge that runs right next to the back of the steamer trunk. I made the NOVICE MISTAKE of not just buying an ½” dowel from the hardware store to use as a pinning device to help keep the fabric down. If you have a yard stick or a long, thin strip of wood to use with some slide clamps, even the more better! Otherwise you will be like me and be CONSTANTLY adjusting the fabric to get it to lay right and stay put!
This is about an hour and change of work; pace yourself.
Dry fitting the wood pieces to make sure the fabric fits
Now that the fabric was finally, FINALLY done (sheesh!) I could actually move onto the wood installation phase! Everything so far was just dry fit – The wood pieces were all cut but nothing was glued or stained/varnished yet. The next few steps happened in stages; first off, the runners were painted so they stopped screaming “BLANK” at me every time I looked at them (and so the paint could cure).
For the remaining wood pieces, I read up on boat varnishing. Learned about spar varnish and the difference between a semi-gloss and matte varnishes. I could get a spar varnish for the bottom frame, the picture frame, and the back panel. The bottom got several poly coats. I kept the corner trim bare because I enjoyed the contrast against the cedar. Thanks to my friend Cassie and a quick visit to Ace Hardware for an inexpensive spar varnish, I was ready to stink up the basement!
Now to assemble the bottom, drop it into place, secure it, and liquid nails all the panels into place. It was a very nervous moment for me as I was fully committing at this point – the point of no return. First off I needed to cut off a section of the picture backing to be void filter between the mural piece and the structural bottom – just the right thickness of what would have been the proper bottom if it wasn’t water damaged. Then zipped up the mural and frame.
Floater piece, cut to fit in the exact space
Mural Bottom assembled, all pieces stained and sealed
I started with the “front” piece, since it was beneath the fingerboard – floater board on top, bottom on bottom.
I set the structural bottom onto my pop up table, set the trunk on top of it, dropping the newly assembled framed mural into the steamer trunk, and slowly started the liquid nails press, pull, and set process on the panels. Once the ‘walls’ were in place, I made sure everything was perfect, then screwed it all properly into place from the bottom. The trim pieces when in last, then got the Victorian Dust corners into place. WHEW.
So had a drink after that; to celebrate the milestone of getting the liquid nails done and not fucking up.
Now that they were underway, it was time for the frame construction. Oh man.
While everything was curing downstairs both paint and stain – I was working on the frame. I actually own a ‘How to Make Shaker furniture’ book and read up on picture frames. What I wanted to do was somewhere between a shadowbox and a picture frame, but more a picture frame. I found some inexpensive poplar wood pieces that would make for a great frame; thank you for that Ace Hardware!!
I found some tips online about DIY frame making. I busted out the router kit I had (thanks Vati for the router bits!!) and after a few test runs on a chunk of 2 x 4 I had left, I worked on the poplar pieces. Then I took them and did 45-degree angles for the frame. Finally, I did the painter’s tape and wood glue trick from video, crossing all my fingers it would work and wiping the floor clean of glue.
Pieces connected by tape, glue on both cut ends…
… bring it all together, locked off with tape to cure
SUCCESS! I had a frame!! I snagged a sheet of 4 by 4 plywood from Ace, only to discover it will not fit in my car. Had to strap it to my roof. THAT WAS A FUN RIDE HOME. Thankfully a short one! I joked with my wife that it was the “sail” of the boat as it was definitely getting air on the way home. I cut the back of the frame out of it and used a large section of the reminder as a floating blank in the base of the trunk (as noted in the assembly section above).
I dry fit the map in it and nearly clapped my hands! It was so close!! I nearly removed the leather strap but it would have lost it’s punch. And the holes wouldn’t be as potent flat. I would have to float it somehow. Oh man, how to get it to float? Another Michael’s curb side visit and I had perfect piece of balsa wood. I outlined it to get the cut just right.
So I cut the balsa wood for the float piece, making sure to have the top of the map hang over (notice in the photo above the big margin between map and the balsa) for the notes to poke through. The balsa would be cut to give the shadowbox ‘feel’ (especially with the holes in the balsa to let the veneer sections through) but I would need to modify the picture backing to support it. I also cut a ‘window’ in the back of the picture frame so you could see the notes through the back. To do this right, I would need the painters tape again:
Blue painters tape was used to block the veneer and allow the balsa wood to be glued to the backing
Shit, it was varnish time. NERVOUS AGAIN; it’s been several years since I varnished and getting the coats just right is a big deal since this is the center piece of my work. No stress right? No one is going to really look at the frame below – this was front and dead center.
Two and half days later, everything was varnished. With baited breath, I dry fit the frame. BRILLIANT. I got a piece of plexiglass from Ace Hardware and had the distinct pleasure of having it cut to fit before taking it home. Had a lovely chat with the chap who cut it at a safe distance and it made all the difference. I got it all home, screwed the frame together, and nearly got teary eyed. Okay, I did.
I was blown away how it turned out. I could have purchased a frame but it would have not nearly gotten the same results and the high grade boat varnish Cassie got me MADE IT SHINE. To keep map and leather pieces where I wanted them but still adjustable, I used more of the double sided tape. But how the hell was I going to frame this thing? And make it so it can be removed? I had some ideas with flush mount brackets but the spacing…
I used the excess wood pieces from the frame and cut blocks out of them as spacers. I got flush mount brackets from Ace Hardware and pain staking measured the living shit out of the whole process. A pencil, a bottle of honey whiskey (not drank, just used), and lots of patience paid off. I mounted the blocks in to the lid and after a thousand micro adjustments, my frame was in the lid.
There were three more things to address for this phase; somewhat minor but high detail. Okay, I can do this. I needed to address what I call the “finger plate” on the front inside of the trunk (really a bolt plate for the lock hasp but I digress), I needed to do something about the fabric around the lid arm, and naturally, don’t freak out kid, getting the key mounted with some level of artistic value on the back plate. Removable if possible, but still secure. I also put on the casters (actual trunk casters), trimmed the structural bottom with a router so it’s ‘hidden’ and painted it black (no photo sadly!).
While I had the steamer trunk upstairs (a rarity), I mounted it’s casters for ease of relocation if needed!
The finger plate was oddly almost the easiest to address. Using some of the fabric tricks I had learned and some brass hob nails I had acquired, I slowly but surely put in the fabric on the finger board. I really wish I took more time lining up the hob nails but it still came out rather well so I was happy with it.
Stealing another idea from my friend Nick, I used double sided scotch tape to help “set” the edges of the fingerboard fabric so I could get it set into place. I also used some double sided tape to help set the finished fabric section to the trunk temporarily so I could nail them into place. The hind sight suggestion would be to not nail the hob nails looking down – get a prop for the lid and lay it on it’s front so it’s right in front of you and take the time to get them PROPERLY lined up – don’t be as sloppy as me! 😀
Next was addressing the fraying on the fabric liner. This is my fault – I should have used a better knife to cut the fabric; it was tearing in places and the wood was just absorbing the adhesive it was so dry. I first tried to tack the loose pieces with copper boat nails (I’m holding onto that ascetic like a life preserver) and it helped but it was lacking the “umph” of a proper treasure chest, you know? I ended up getting green velvet ribbon and fabric glue from Michaels and it was the missing piece!
Next was addressing that pesky hinge arm. TPC did a great job with the pocket move they pulled off but I didn’t think I had the finesse to pull it off; moreover, with the fabric I was using, unless I got the exact pattern section for the pocket area, it would stick out even worse because it’s so busy. Had to pivot again but that’s okay, that’s one of my strong suits. Dancing is just falling into place to the beat, right? Okay, maybe an small octopus? Like a tiny idol? But bronze. But how to get it to fit?
I found a well priced brass octopus with a hollow body which was PERFECT; I was able to get a vinyl bumper that was very ideal as a mount for the octopus. I nailed the bumper into the lid, then super glued the octopus over the hinge so it could continue to operate without getting nicked off. Finally, I put two bumpers on the right side of the trunk to keep the table from crowding the hinge space.
Finally we were onto the key mounting part of the project. It was going to be especially tricky because I needed to find a way to mount the key in the back of the lid without a), piercing the lid, b), keeping it from falling out at the drop of a hat, and c), if was even remotely possible, make it so the key could be removed and handled so just nailing/screwing it into place was fresh out. Good times.
After some digging around, I settled on using two different kinds of hardware to pull this off. I acquired some mission screws (the square headed screw through the key’s right ‘eye’) and some brackets that are meant to be used for glass cabinet stays that I removed the screws out of – they would have stuck out just too far and been cumbersome to work to get the key out. I tried the mounting method first on a scrap piece of wood before the final mount was approached.
Now I was onto the final part of this project; which was going to be a project all of it’s own. In the process of making the steamer trunk, I decided that I wanted to make it my spelling trunk. No clue if this is a historical thing or not conceptually, but I doubt I’m the first person to cook it up.
A spelling trunk (to me) is a sacred, contained space in which a practitioner could work and contain some/all their working tools while maintaining limited space and keep things somewhat discrete. This has likely existed previously but naturally kept under wraps for survival purposes. To pull this off, I would need to be able to make a ‘working table’ that fit into the trunk but was still functional.
A picture of the trunk completed; the working table is secured inside the trunk and is at table “height” for working purposes.
What came to mind conceptually was a table that had folding legs that was low profile enough to not interfere with the work in the lid but also still have some kind of lip to keep things from falling off of it. I would use the same boat varnish I used on the frame and the backing so it was consistent and frankly I was madly in love with it (and it’s not cheap so using it up was a good call). I found some inexpensive pieces of lumber at Lowe’s for the body, routed the trim pieces, and got to gluing.
The next parts involved getting the legs and hardware for the legs and handles just right. I found some fantastic spring locking folding leg brackets on Etsy for the legs, and keeping to the nautical theme, I got a set of brass boat cleats for the handles. They would fit beautifully inside the lid without hitting the frame while being quite sturdy. I found some poplar legs at Home Depot, made a rough estimate on height, used a piece of spare wood to test, and trimmed accordingly.
The next biggest trick was overcoming my own created obstacle – the wood trim pieces and the table legs. I couldn’t really move the legs further into the center of the table and not lose height of the legs as they would be too long to fit under the table. I could cut the trim pieces to let the legs fit but it was going to be messy and I had to hope to not nick or break anything while surgically doing so. Moreover, though the cuts would somewhat help stability, that would only be side to side, not forward, where if I didn’t lock the legs correctly, could mean falling candles and breakage of tools. I let this spin around in my head for a bit and after some research on hardware, I found a solution!
I used shelf brackets as ‘pegs’ for the legs to clip into on the edge of the internal frame. This would let them keep the original height, while maintaining balance and stability. I then measured and cut the difference on the leg between the wall and the trim piece so it would be flush when it was in standing placement. It was a painstaking process to get it all just right and it can be a mild pain to get the legs just right in the trunk when it’s upright but there’s enough gap to adjust them to fit. I spent the next few days varnishing the table to finish it. LET THERE BE TABLE. AND IT WAS GREAT.
Conclusion (or is it?!)
I’ve had a few people ask what my next set of plans for it is and the answers are specific. I’m deliberately choosing not to do anything on the outside (at least for now) because I enjoy the quiet, unassuming nature of the exterior. The latches still work works, I may have to change the handles some day, and maybe at some point clean it up more – but I’m not sprucing up the outside.
I do have plans to make little wheel chocks to keep it from rolling and at some point I will make two small chests that will rest inside of the trunk but I’m saving that for another blog and another day/year (and hopefully proper working space). For now, it’s complete and I’m very happy with it. ❤
Please let me know if you have any questions, I’ll do my best to answer them!!
A blog about kids from a child-free family (you do not have to have kids to be a family).
Oh I’ve been talking about writing this blog forever and I think it’s about time that I did.
It’s been kicking around in my head for months now and I’ve written about three drafts on it to get the wording right. Kids are a sensitive subject in many ways; for people who have them, for those who want them and can’t, to those who are just sick of them, for those who want their kids to have kids! Just kids man! KIDS! BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN INDEED!
First off; Kids are great – They are, we have them for a reason as a species. They are adorable, they can be really fun, they will amaze the crap out of you while ruining your house, and many of us are socially and biologically engineered to want to have them. The desire to have children is not remotely lost on me personally, despite the personal desire to not raise one or more myself. I get it, I really do; genetic longevity, a sense of purpose and meaning, an excuse to not go out if you want it – total package!
One of the reasons I’m finally writing this piece is that so many of my friends are pregnant or have recently had children. I honestly wish everyone who wanted kids could both have them and be in the right position to raise a family; emotionally, socially, financially, mentally, and physically. Few things make me smile than watching my friends proudly show their children on social media and how happy life is with said kids in it. It is a kind of joy that is utterly unique and special; very little is even close to it.
So why write a blog about kids? Very good question! Aren’t I off simply enjoying a child-free life? Touring the globe, staying up very late at night doing whatever I want, drinking at 11 in the morning on a Tuesday, and laughing at all my sucker parent friends? Fuck no, that’s shallow as shit; my parent friends are awesome and I adore them – I’m writing this blog for three things – the topic of children in general, how as a society we treat non-parents, and positive examples that I have seen in popular culture that I feel are really good parenting styles.
I have no desire to hate on kids or parenting; it’s not an oxymoron – you can enjoy your friends having kids and even kids to a fault and still desire and/or need to be living a childfree lifestyle. I’m going to get into that, especially my personal circumstance, here in a little bit once we finish the load in so I have your expectations properly set. This blog is about positivity, perspective, and understanding – parents aren’t idiots for having kids and non-parents aren’t selfish bastards for not having kids; so we’re clear.
Duty of Care regarding reproductive topics – Let’s just dive in. There are a few points I’m going to address on this front as it gets really messy when kids get involved. As previously stated, we have kids for a reason, but it is not an excuse to be unruly shits to each other. I will elaborate:
Stop randomly touching pregnant women – The miracle of life is damn right amazing, isn’t it? Some of us do not take the topic well and others simply won’t stop talking about it. That’s fine, that is what makes us different! But for the love of everything, just because there is a baby on board doesn’t mean you can treat a woman’s body like it’s a car you are admiring so please stop just randomly touching them. If you want to make contact with growing life, address the person growing that life. You don’t randomly pet people’s pets and you should never just touch a woman’s belly because she is carrying a kid/multiple kids. It’s like the reproductive equivalent of “my eyes are up here” regarding breasts; yes we have a hormonal response but we need to control ourselves. Get consent or just keep your hands to yourself.
Child Free isn’t Child Less – Many people forget that non-parents really break down into two groups; those of us who have deliberately chosen not to have kids, and those of us who CAN’T have kids. There is a stark, stark difference. Child Free families are families operating on their chosen terms, childless are dealing with not being able to live to their terms. I know lots of couples that *desperately* want kids and it’s just not an option one way or another. It’s tragic and I genuinely feel for them; especially families who have to endure miscarriages. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone; my heart goes out to anyone who’s ever had to deal with that kind of loss.
I’m making a point of this distinction because you shouldn’t assume one is the other. You can’t give comfort to a child less family about the benefits of being child free because it is pressing hard on a deep emotional bruise. And conversely you should assume that someone who doesn’t have kids must have something wrong with them. There is a social assumption that everyone wants kids and we need to full on stop observing this assumption as it’s inconsiderate and frankly very tasteless – let people be people man, it’s not hard.
Yes, it is rude to ask if someone is having kids – Oh heavens; where to go on this one. I got asked once in the middle of a business meeting at one of my old roles if I was having kids. This experience will never leave me because I was so shocked how out of hand it was. I’ve been prodded by family members, gently and semi-roughly asked by friends, and it’s always bothersome. We have a duty of care to respect each other’s boundaries and this is a big one. No, you do not have a right to inquire if someone is having kids unless you yourself are in a situation where it’s an important question, like someone you are having a lifetime commitment with. Then you absolutely should talk about it and be expressly clear.
I’m sure there is some unique situation where you would have to ask such a question but the best I can come up with is in regards to a real estate agent, a lawyer, and perhaps your insurance agent but all of those need to know for professional services. Co-workers, family members, even friends do not need to know if you are planning to have kids. Period. Having kids should be a free and clear choice, not one that you get pressured into one way or another. If you want to talk about it, it’s one thing but no one has a right to make you answer this.
So, you aren’t having kids yourself? – Despite this topic point being deliciously ironic, I’m freely offering this information if nothing else to prove a few points but also because I want to be open and public about this topic. I feel it gives perspective on both the validity of this particular blog post and a deeper understanding of my personal perspective. People chose to have kids for various reasons and they chose not to have kids for various reasons as well. I don’t think there is a default answer or rationale for this, I think it’s different for everyone and want to encourage this opinion to be circulated and pondered.
I was encouraged as many were, either directly or indirectly, to have kids. “Oh some day you will have kids and you will understand my perspective” is a line I heard a lot growing up. Sure, having kids, being a parent, changes your perspective and your behaviors. You are not the same person the second after you learn you are a parent, whether it is a blessing or a concern. I do not know what that feels like but I have had enough experiences and observations enough to see the change happen.
To a certain extent, it wasn’t a choice per se for me but yet it was. I had an incredibly challenging childhood that shattered my self-image internally so brutally that the idea of reproducing was ripped from my psyche. I am not going to get into detail on what happened, please just know it was circumstantial and is done now. If there was a circuit breaker for wiring and fuses for this instinct, you would open mine up and it would be empty. I had not realized how badly my self-image was damaged until I was sobering up at a diner after a beer festival (alone) and a young mother sat down with two boys at a booth next to me. I am crying as I’m writing this so please bear with me.
It unnerved me to my naked soul that I was in their presence; that the abomination I knew as myself was marring them as their transfixed eyes openly took me in. If I could have fled into the void at that very moment to spare them, I might have. I was not in a good place when it happened emotionally but I’m glad it did because it helped me understand the breadth of my emotional trauma. I had gone to therapy many times and though the topic of kids came up, I never knew WHY I just didn’t have the desire to reproduce; just that I didn’t.
To finish the story, I did my damndest to be as chill and together as possible, eat my food, left a good tip, and wander into the night. I honestly don’t think anyone thought anything of me, other than perhaps I was a bit drunk but otherwise harmless. I sobered up in my car (key NOT in the ignition) and drove home that night. My reaction was wildly emotional and unrealistic but very, very present and intense. I was filled with shame, sadness, and sobbed on and off the rest of the night to get it out of my system.
Now that was the underlying reason I didn’t desire to have kids; the choice to not have them was an entirely different matter. Clearly I had psychological issues that I have dealt with since discovering them but I still chose not to have kids. One of the reasons I had this emotional trauma was also why I chose not to have kids; I was born with crippling ADHD and two mental disorders – memory recall issues and a strong math deficiency. I was told by some nice social workers once that I should strong consider disability because they didn’t think I would be able to be a functional adult.
Since it’s me, I took that as a challenge and not as good advice. I spent much of my young adult life getting myself sorted out because society still treated ADHD (and is still struggling with it) as a behavioral disorder and not say a mental reconfiguration that is simply non-neurotypical versus a deficit (yes, I know it’s in the term but it’s one of the things I hope some day we address). I spent many nights, weeks, month, years, getting my shit together to finally BE a reasonable adult. I’m finally here now, in my forties, and I’m very proud to be the man I am today.
I chose not to have kids for two reasons; I have genetic concerns regarding the health of my children since my father has MS and a laundry list of life-threatening concerns my family has been taxed with. I’m not getting into them, it’s extensive. I’m happy to just still be alive at this point myself. But I also chose not to have kids because I knew that due to my delayed maturity into adulthood and lack of a reasonable foundation that would lead to a fast-track career, I couldn’t afford kids before I was in a part of my life where these genetic concerns would be severe on top of other late life reproduction concerns.
To be crystal clear, I do not regret nor feel that I’m missing anything by making this choice. I know it was the “right” choice if there ever could be one for my life choices and was necessary. I’m sharing this part of my life so I hope that people realize that non-parents chose not to have kids for reasons beyond selfish ones. And honestly, if people want not to be parents because don’t want to have kids, that’s a fair reason – we are not a species in a place that’s risking extinction; we will be okay.
So what about this parenting advice you were talking about? – YES! I have some positive examples of what I personally view as positive parenting that I want to pass along to my readers who are parents. This is in no way an authoritative consideration; I am, at best, sharing what I view as positive parenting that if I was a child again, would appreciate as a parenting perspective. I’ll do my best to not spoil any plot related content, so I apologize in advance if I do so.
Compassion despite Disruption – If you are a fan of Bob’s Burgers, you already know that Bob and Linda are, at their very heart, unconventional parents who genuinely want what is best for their kids. Though there are drawbacks and concerns about growing up in a restaurant as a kid (as you see for Bob when he was younger in the show in a few episodes), I think it would be an incredibly unique situation.
In one-episode Tina, the eldest daughter, gets rather upset over a boy and starts crying at the dinner table. Her siblings razz her a little bit, Bob and Linda ask what’s wrong, Tina starts to boil over and, in her embarrassment, literally grabs a handful of spaghetti (with meat sauce) and runs off to her room. Linda nudges Bob to check on her so he goes and does so. It’s been a long day and he’s tired but he has the parenting moment he knows he should (and wants to) have.
The beautiful moment is the compassion (albeit awkward but that’s just Bob) that Bob shows to Tina. Even for her this is wildly out of frame but he talks with her. He doesn’t bring up the fact that she drug food back with her and is currently cradling it against her chest and messing up her bedspread. Instead he talks things out with her, gives her advice, and, in a power parenting moment, askes if she wants a handful of ice cream when she’s done with her spaghetti to help soothe her emotions.
The fact that he chose to address Tina and her current strife over being upset over the mess she was making is an impressive parenting moment. Clothes, carpets, and food can be cleaned/replaced – being the parent that your children need in that moment cannot be replaced or ‘cleaned’ up.
You will never be Alone – One of the most touching things I’ve ever heard was my friend Jada saying that she always wants her kids to know that they can always turn to her and always come home if they need to. From what I understand, there are several moments, especially when you are simply trying to use the rest room, that your children will not leave you be. Personal space just stops happening for a while there and you get used to it. Conceptually it is quite endearing but I can see how it would be trying! ❤
One of the examples I have seen on a deep, thankfully rare situation happens in Paddington Bear 2. If you are unfamiliar with the story, it is about a British family that adopts a talking bear that they find at Paddington station and name him after it. The book series is priceless and the two movies made are beyond phenomenal, I can’t recommend them enough for families to watch, I own both proudly. The Browns, who adopt Paddington, end up having interesting lives afterwards but quite love one another.
At one point in the 2nd movie, Paddington is lured into a trap and after a series of intense twists, finds himself not only deeply underwater but also firmly secured inside of a locked circus car. Mrs. Brown dives in after him and it is rapidly discerned that he is locked in, there’s no way either of them can free him – he will drown. Mrs. Brown reaches through the bars of the circus railcar, firmly holds his hand, and refuses to let ago. A moment passes, Paddington tries to push her away, she just shakes her head.
You understand in this moment that Mrs. Brown will not abandon her ‘child’, even an adopted one, and will, if necessary, die along with him so he will not alone die. This is a realization that hits me so hard every time I think of it (even now) that I start bawling uncontrollably. It gently moves aside the concept of dying for someone to hold the line so daringly it looks the mortal fear of dying alone firmly in the eye and tells it that you will not stand for it. Things turn out okay, so please don’t worry if you haven’t seen it – they are really fun, beautiful movies.
Though I feel that telling your children this every day would lose it’s gravity, I also feel it’s important that your children know that you will always be there for them, even in their last moments, if they need you.
Fighting for your Kids, not with them – Finally (because I could probably spend all day talking about examples) it is an example I have recently seen (and likely so have many others). In the special “Best Wishes, Warmest Regards – A Schitt’s Creek Farewell” (which also makes me cry happily as well and I am not ashamed for shit for it, I enjoy being a masculine male who embraces their feelings), members of the cast read a thank you letter from an LGBTQ+ Support group of Mothers of LGBTQ+ children and how deeply touched and relieved that their children are respected and given positive representation. As you can imagine, in the process of reading the letter, the cast all melt on the spot and are deeply humble.
I get that it’s very hard – I can’t imagine having kids and not having, to some extent, some kind of expectation. Culture, personality, behavior and spiritual choices; these are things that we build around each other to try and continue our values. I have always appreciated parents who have been able to step back and just be FASCINATED about how their children become their own selves before them and I can imagine it would be challenging to see them become something that you were not expecting.
I also feel that parents should take on the world the way that Philadelphia fought back when the Flyers announced that their mascot was some crazed orange 6 foot maniac named “Gritty.” You may be confused, shocked, not certain what exactly is going on but when someone starts in on your kid, you drop (maybe throw) down what you are doing and you get up in their face (metaphorically speaking I hope). Back to what Jada said, I know she implied (and has stated in other comments) that she would not stand to have her kids messed with and is their first champion if they need her. I appreciate the hell out of any parent that takes a part of their children(s) personality and makes it a cause that they fight for – it’s just so beautiful.
Again, I feel that telling your kids daily that you would go to bat for them if they need you would get excessive but hey, better that they know it without a doubt, right? They need to know that you will love, support, appreciate, and be proud of them regardless of how they grow, change, and become their own people.
In closing (if I still have readers with me, thank you for sticking around!), I honestly believe parenting is one of the most noble things a person can do and I respect anyone who is a parent or a parent figure for a kid. I also feel that there is no shame in choosing not to be a parent (if you have not had children; don’t deadbeat man – you helped bring them in, you need to step up, and own a presence in their lives). I hope this blog helps understand the perspective of a non-parent and some of the choices we make both as friends and family members to one another and people in general. Especially the kids.
It was only a week ago you passed over the rainbow bridge and it took me this long to find the emotional strength to write you a proper eulogy. I still do so with tears streaming down my face but it is worth it. My apologizes to any reader who gets confused, I wrote this through my tears.
I remember when this all started; roughly 15 years ago. I was married to Jen back then and Lily was living with us. Both were asking heavily about us getting a dog and it was unspoken that it was meant to be a precursor to Jen and I having kids. I was working two jobs at the time and was at my second job when they sent me the link for your profile; saying that you were the one they wanted.
I still can remember how I sighed; loud enough that my coworker asked what was wrong. I laughed it off, knowing the stress was getting to me. The house was costly, and I was really worried about making it all work as it was, but a dog on top of it? I remembered when I had a dog as a kid, the vet visits, the money my parents spent, but also the joy I had for having a dog. “Alright, let’s get her” was what I messaged back.
We picked you up at a rescue site that used to be a ranch. It was quite the drive and I was worried about having a larger dog inside the car with us; especially when it first met us. There were so many dogs when we pulled up; it was like visiting a dog village – they were everywhere! Were we just going to walk up to you and put a leash on you? Thankfully, our contact introduced themselves, and we were directed into a side kennel space roughly the size of a finished garage.
They brought us into the middle of the cleared space; short of a side running counter and a side door to the kennel room, it was empty. The contact explained you were running in a field, possibly shot at one point because you looked like a coyote – for some reason, it was why many people passed on you. For us, it was exactly why we wanted you. But that’s just misfits for you, we know our own.
They let you into the room to met us and you literally ran around us in circles for a few minutes. You would only briefly pause but kept pacing quickly. You weren’t interested in treats or contact; you were working the room. A stray thought came into my head and I keeled on the ground in the middle of the room, my hand outstretched and low. You caught sight of me, I swear took a right angle turn on a dime, came straight to me, and started licking my face without a care in the world.
Oh Keisha.
I insisted that I be called Alpha instead of Daddy because it made me extremely uncomfortable to hear that. In my mind, I felt we were a pack and if authoritarian roles were to be handed out, that was one I could work with. I felt terrible that we never had yard for you but at least got a static line for the back yard so you could zig back and forth. But holy shit did you love walks. We walked you constantly and I think it was one of the reasons I kept the weight off.
Thankfully, you were a great dog and we were fortunate that you almost never needed to go to the Vet. Hell, if you did, I must have already forgotten it. It was good to have a dog again; you were not the most physically affectionate dog but that did not bother me – you were simply happy to be nearby us. It was more than enough for me and having you in my life during that time meant the world to me. Always happily smiling at me from time to time, it was more than enough.
Unfortunately, Jen and I choose to separate; we had rushed into getting married and buying a house when we really should have slowed down. We really were two different people, more than we realized. She needed someone who could have kids with her and I wasn’t going to take that from her. We did our best to separate out everything and it went well for the most part, but that also included figuring out what to do with you.
I honestly did not know what to do Keish. Jen did not quite seem to bond with you as well as she had hoped but you had gotten on famously with Lily; she was in many ways your caretaker.
I am gratefully Lily was there and that you two were as bonded as you were. I knew my life as I knew it was going to change dramatically; I did not know how I was going to take care of myself or where I was going to wind up. Leaving you was another crack in my broken heart that I tucked away in a pocket when I left to start my life over again.
Oh Keisha.
It was a hard choice but the right one. My life for the next 12 years was … insane. Lily was able to give you attention and stability that I did not possess. I had to finish growing up in a lot of ways, find a way to get a college degree while working, try to hold onto a job during two recessions, and find the person I was meant to be with. I loved Jen and I was glad she had her new life, I needed to sort out mine.
I wound up in Philadelphia and found my soul mate. I had seen you and Lily on and off for years, and not nearly as much as I would have liked. Lily was very much ready for a move herself, feeling the Midwest was not home anymore. I was overly excited to have both of you move up here so I could in some ways finally have my family back together again. You made it feel like home I always wanted to have.
It was amazing to have you both here, even though 3 adults and a few pets in a two bedroom flat could get frustrating at times – but we were a family again. I wish I were more positive at times when you were around – I was stressed out for so long trying to get everything to work. It took me forever to find a decent job and by the time I was just settling out, you and Lily had to move.
Please know It was far more than I could have ever asked for. I got to spend time with you I never thought I would have again after having to lose you and I really, really appreciate that.
I really struggled with you and Lily moving out but I knew it was very necessary – Lily was able to get a reasonable commute to work (a rare privilege in this town) and you got to have a bit of yard to yourself, finally. For that alone, I was incredibly happy for both of you, that you got to have peace and feel loved to your last day on this planet. I look forward to seeing you again some day and our walks in the woods.
Please forgive me for not being as good as I could have been or given you as many walks as you wanted. I knew in my heart that you belonged in the woods, and I hope you get to finally have that now. I hope we gave you the best life you could have asked for, and that you are still with us to some degree as we learn to move on without you physically being present with us.
Oh Keisha.
I will always miss you my Ghost Dog, and I will always love you.
Good morning Folks; I’m writing you today to both out myself as a Unicorn and talk to you about Autism.
I have been given this challenge through social media and I’m responding as such, on my terms. As someone who is not neurotypical as well, though I do not believe I am on the Autism scale, I am taking this challenge very seriously and with great passion.
It is exceptionally important to know the following facts: Autism is a mental reconfiguration that is not neurotypical but this does not mean one’s mind is broken – simply different than many other minds. Moreover, it is also has a spectrum state; meaning, a person can have various levels of Autism – sometimes it can be infrequent and appear circumstantial, other times it is very much present and interaction with someone on the Autism scale is a unique, different experience.
I cannot stress how I do firmly mean DIFFERENT, not wrong or broken – BROKEN is a concept that is used insensitively and deeply inaccurately – life should be about compassion, understanding, and a willingness to relate to one another, especially when you are dealing with someone on the autism scale. They often have a specific set of interaction traits that work best for them and learning those traits is a very rewarding experience. Why?
Someone with Autism understands and interacts with the world in an entirely different spectrum; concepts are much more intense, vivid, and can be extremely overwhelming. In this level of intensity, they can also make connections, art, and understand beauty of life that is almost incomprehensible for someone who is neurotypical. We tend to take life at face value but someone who is Autistic understands it far deeper than that.
Yes, it can be challenging to interact, teach, and frankly love someone who is Autistic. There are going to be times when that person is going to drive you nuts. But it’s a disposition and not deliberate; there are plenty of people who behave carelessly with no valid justification and to those I give no quarter. But someone who is Autistic is someone who is sweet, brave, and doing their best so they have my sword, my shield, and my heart every time.
Finally, to be a 10000% clear, VACCINATIONS DO NOT CAUSE AUTISM. Stop it, just flat fucking stop it. This is a massive sore spot for me; attempt to thwart it with whatever quack nonsense you can drum up, it’s pure bullshit. This is a wide spread hypochondriac response at best and opens the door for infections that kills millions because people want to blithely cling to false security. Just stop furthering discourse to an ENTIRE mental demographic because of some shit a 2nd cousin you don’t talk to anyways posted online.
Also, I’m a unicorn; because duh. I mean, really, I’m an Manticore but I try to keep that under wraps because people kinda shit themselves over a Lion with wings and a poisonous flail tail that flies around, saving Misfit toys around the world, and takes them to his reclaimed island in the Nevernever. Not really someone you want to invite over to the pasture for some hay and a lovely bonfire with s’mores but I digress.
Destiny stalked him like anything he ever faced; the relentless, determined beast would not be deterred. No matter how far he attempted to run from it, he only found himself running into it instead.
When he was presented with the idea of traveling far beyond the reaches of his homeland, months worth of travel at least, to fight a mythological beast that would quite likely kill him and his friends, he should have at least hesitated. His battered, situational intuition should have flared like a lit gas pocket, fiery bright and expanding at a moment’s notice at a great speed. He should have kindly declined the inquiry, stating that his presence was required at home, where a territorial battle was ensuing and he should have been present to put down whatever madness had taken over his friend and companion, which he could see warping his mind and heart as readily as a strangler vine choked a sweet flowering vine. But all of these actions felt wrong, like he was crossing a rope bridge and the plank normal sought with his foot for balance was certainly gone. He caught himself not only agreeing to this foreign slaughter in the cradle of the God’s right hand, where their stewards they spawned revelled among true mortals like Gods themselves, but adamantly insisting that this journey be taken, that this injustice be sought, confronted, and met. Another man lived inside his skin now, speaking firm and hard words his lips never seemed to know and doubt was something that he had to bury with the dead.
Who had he turned into? Or worse… turning into?
When they turned the corner of a stout bluff that rose almost impossibly into the heavens, it was there that he saw another that almost rose so high it almost bracketed the Heavens themselves. The air was desperately thin up there, no trees felt the madness to grow their in verdant defiance, and Runt hadn’t see the signs of the tracks of a creature for several miles. It was so high up that even the birds didn’t come here to die. Carved into the face of this colossal mountain side was a Stone dragon, its granite wing furled as if to meet an updraft and pull the whole mountain face alongside with it. Its looming presence stole into Runt’s mind, taking all the fears and concerns he had about this adventure and dutifully fleshed them out so they could rest inside of his stomach like a lead weight, refusing to be digested. And yet… he knew he had to be there. Something called to him through those ancient halls, beckoning him as surely as the wind howled through the peaks of the lesser summits and pulled him closer. To what? To his grisly death? To unearthly treasure and untold power? To fight for the fate of mankind as the weak shouldered man who had practically shook himself into a passionate fit to convince them? All of these things and none at the same time was what his heart told him, and yet… something else lingered just past perception, moving in the darkness like a beckoning beast, prowling in the dim light, waiting for Runt to finally risk his life to know.
He knew things that he couldn’t possibly have known on his own, for he knew them somehow as if he walked the very halls themselves millennia before. The moment his hands rested upon the first Dragon trumpet, it’s magnificence seemed to speak through his hands; he knew it was something of incredible importance. He attempted to rationalize it; he was a thief after all to a fashion, he merely under what value felt like, it was the weight, the texture of the artifact that called out to him, nothing more. But yet… yet something else was calling out to him. Softly, too softly to be discerned but clearly just the same.
He felt like a raving madman when he insisted on digging up the poor music squire’s grave. He didn’t know what was buried there, or that it was one of the trumpets, but he knew that they had buried something of incredible value with him just the same. It was a gift that he deserved, earned by the hours of training and performance he did for the Kings, the painstaking beauty he conjured up for them, the tales he put music to. The look of shame and regret on Gregor’s face as they dug through the graves, Runt nearly lost his nerve and stopped digging. But he had to find what was hidden with the small creature inside. Why would he think he was small? Or even have any idea? What was happening to him?
When he laid his eyes first on the Lorekeeper, he knew that he was in the presence of an ancient; regardless of what species or breed he was. They could have readily have taken him if they so desired but… Runt felt he deserved the respect and admiration of one who had lived through the millennia … he would sooner strike out a stained glass window than dispatch such an artist as the Lorekeeper. Why did this lizard matter? Was he not the supposed killer of mythological creatures? Why did their existence seem to fascinate and trouble him at the same time?
Finally the moment he could not find an answer for still plagued him… He knew what to do when Xana and Thayna were turned to solid ice. His heart sank like a river stone in the ocean when he turned and saw that they were solid ice instead of merely coated by it but his mind… his mind was still and patient, his intuition calmly instructed that he needed to take them to the pool and they would recover. He knew that it had to have some magical properties to it after they fought the slime that lived in the water, it so strange that it was alien how it moved and attacked them… But he knew it was meant to cleanse, to prepare and perhaps to heal.
Again, he could have discerned it in a different way, that the steps were meant to baptize or to bath but it seemed to have something more to it than that, something sacred. It was a shot in the dark but he was desperate. He needed to save them, especially Xana. They had survived so much together, done so much together, he just couldn’t think… No. There had to be a way. When he watched Xana spring back to life, struggling back and forth like a stunned trout caught in the hands of a bear as she came to her senses in Gregor’s hands, the look of sheer amazement and wonder in Gregor’s eyes as hope poured into his face. Relief filled him to the brim, laced with his own personal shock and confusion; HOW DID HE KNOW THIS?! HOW?? She should have been lost, she should have been gone… and yet, there Xana was because he knew that it was their only chance.
And now he stood before the Great Doors to the Vault. He knew it was the Vault; there was no other way it couldn’t be. The arch that loomed overhead with its staggering level of detail, how it echoed the outer-holdings except instead of fear and a treacherous ledge, it was designed with pride, prestige, and valor. Something that one would design in reverence as much as a warning to those who mistook benevolent respect for weakness. And he understood this on a level that he couldn’t quite figure out.
His hands shook a bit as he was able to open the doors and peaked his head inside. He felt the age of the air that stood still as a mountain in the room as his eyes adjusted. It was massive, holding thrones for each of the Kings and as his eyes moved from right to left, there in the far left… his heart stopped. He felt like a mouse that had wandered into the lion’s den by accident when the King’s booming Draconic thundered across the room, clearly directed at him. His eyes were as large as orc axes as he begged Nelea to join him and translate. He wanted to bow, to rest his forehead on the ground to give the King of the North the respect he deserved but he knew that this would not do; he had a mission, it must be completed.
He had known that ancient ruler was going to be larger than life, but he never knew that he would be this large. Sunken in, withered, and emaciated, he resembled something more like a collection of debris under cobwebs but yet… the titan’s eyes were sharp and alive between the dust and age. His throne was the size of a mining lift, the jewels bracketing it were the size of an ox’s heart and unfathomably more rich. The world had moved on a thousand times over since this court was held with pomp and circumstance but still it was just as dangerous. Runt knew he could kill him just as easily as he would a gnat, if not more readily so. And yet, Runt knew that he had to face him.
Soon the party joined them and through the assistance of Xana, they were able to explain their purpose and interest. His heart nearly seized on him twice as the conversation carried on as he could understand bits and pieces of it, based on the inflections and context. His tongue felt sore as he attempted to mimic the movements in the past but his mind kept up as best as it could. The King of the North shifted under his veil of time, asking questions in the guttural but fluid tones of Draconic; Xana responding comfortably as possible, all things considered.
His attention was suddenly peaked when he heard what he assumed to be a reference to the Dragon Trumpets. He fumbled with the sack, his hand already untying the straps to reach inside of it to sneak the first of the trumpets. He could tell there was hesitation, both in Xana and Thayna’s behavior but he need they were sacred, essential to this quest and he was near feverish to bring them out, to present them the way a child shows a parent a bauble they found, seeking their approval and respect. When the King confirmed their use and that they needed to be cleansed in the Shrieving pool (that’s what it is called!), Runt was practically beside himself in urgency to do so forthwith.
The party did as the King requested and returned as quickly as they could. No one had the nerve to maintain their presence of the King while they did so, even though not everyone was needed to cleanse the Trumpets. Runt placed them in a row in front of the King, like he was assembling an audience of greatness before him. He caught himself looking back… Why was he behaving this way? He never gave such attention or consideration to anyone? Before he could complete his thought, the voice of the King of the North drifted into his thoughts like a aberrant fog.
He bowed his head in thanks but then raised his eyes as his voice followed. Words, once foreign and strange started to have more and more meaning in Runt’s head, as the King spoke, he could almost clearly understand what he was saying. What needed to be said before action was taken, so it was understood. The King wheezed and coughed, his massive hand resting briefly against his chest. After he recovered, his gaze started to glower, his hand reaching in such a manner that Runt understood universally. Between the motions taken and what he could make out of what the King said, Runt understood completely what was about to transpire.
The King had given his life to shape, protect, and control the Dragon Vault, and did so with Pride. And like any good warrior, he wanted to go out in the throes of battle and in which the mortals that have come to his Kingdom would prove their worthiness to enter the Vault.
In the back of his mind, his heart spoke, saying it would be an honor to die by this beast’s hand, but not today.
For years to come, Runt would only remember parts of it; like shards of a vivid, stark naked dream, sheathed in emotion and outlined in vague details. Even when it was happening, he felt as if he was moving in the presence of the divine, that destiny had already chosen the outcome and he was merely following through.
They moved quickly, their instincts never quite letting them believe that the parley would be enough to escape the presence of the hallowed king unscathed. Gregor, his jovial face sharp with determination as he pulled what appeared to be raw earth from one of his pockets, quickly rolling it between his fingers as he chanted heavy notes. He rolled the clay with his palms in such an unusual fashion that Runt briefly worried that the stalwart man had caved to the madness that plagued their hazardous occupations. Giving one last vocal tone, he bellowed it out like a hammer as he rolled his right hand over his left, splaying the clay into a wave and suddenly the very stone ledge that the King of the North’s throne rested upon shook itself like a dog waking from a slumber and rolled itself up over the throne, trapping him on gilded seat.
The King of the North raged at this action, his cragged face twisted in outrage as he drew a massive Greatsword that immediately burst into flames in his hands, licking at the air with a barely strained hunger. He struck at the stone itself like a smithy working at his forge, chunks of stone spraying about has he fought to gain purchase with his legs.
The rest of the party didn’t hesitate to strike true during this time. Magic was thrown with precision and focus, Roken grew to meet his match with the King’s ghostly right hand cleric, who stood to the bitter end in defense of his ruler. Tathnya rolled away from the Wall of Fire that had strung up in the middle of the room and nearly ran with Runt hip to hip up the stairs, waiting to attack. Jathyn had thrown his mass of black, writhing tentacle net around the struggling pair, sectioning off the battleground for most. Runt ground his teeth in anticipation, his blood rolling in his veins; the passionate embrace of combat sang in his ears and drove him to the edge of the black net, his feet practically levitating.
Blow after blow struck the aged ruler, he fought to hide a rough cough that choked every other breath he attempted to take. Runt felt his heart tug a little at the sight and caught himself shaking his head. Striking an old man down, is this not weakness? Why did he seek such a bloodied end? His humanity waivered his resolve a bit, he almost caught himself pulling back when a growl rose up in his own mind, deep and primal. The growl vibrated his very bones as he felt an answer be forged in near feral words.
No; there is no death more fitting of a king of the wilds than to die amidst the defense of his kingdom – to lie down and allow it to be taken would be as if he never deserved to wear the Crown at all.
Tathnya’s battle cry next him roused him out of his mental interlude, swiveling his head back to where the groans of stone and steel meeting violently emanated. He watched as Roken dispatched the spectral cleric’s earthly flame, the King roared in response and drove his sword clean through one of the sections of stone completely. A bolt of brilliant light struck the King solid in his chest, throwing him back into the slab of the throne, his eyes bulged out, his hands thrown up in the air as if to defend off the strike. He shuttered hard, his body convulsing as he wheezed, his lungs failing him as fought to hold on. A cough punched through his chest so hard that it forced him forward, bloody spittle flew from his lips as he was thrust back forward, his face twisted in pain as his body fought against his will. Every vein seemed to pull hard against his skin as a deep wheeze pulled out from his frail frame.
It was about that time that a sound caught Runt’s attention over the King’s death rattle… it was the sound of something scraping on steel; his ears whipped his eyes downwards and saw that the King’s claws were digging into the throne, gouging it like it was cheap wood and it dawned on Runt that the king had hands moments ago.
Oh. Gods.
The wheeze that was pulling itself out of the King deepened in tone, like someone had dropped it into a well, as the dracomorph’s eyes went from a watery hazel to flaming, passionate burnt copper. His face chased the growing wheeze that was rapidly transforming itself into what was clearly beyond the mortal plane – a growl that made the root of Runt’s very body start to tremble as it grew. And grew. And grew.
His legs swelled far beyond the strength of the stone work; the molded granite burst into pebbles as the King pushed away from the throne, like a Sparrow lifting off of a sapling branch. His form lifted up as it continued to change, the rags of riches he once wore curled off of him like dirty smoke as his wings sprouted from his rolling, expansive back and unfurled as he climbed higher and higher, like a nightmare that drifted out of their very troubled imaginations. Every inch of Runt’s skin stood at attention as the King of the North, one of the last great Dracomorphs twisted his elongated, triangular head back towards the puny, annoying mites that had infiltrated his domain, narrowing his eyes in disgust, the way a God must look at ants that have absentmindedly wandered into their chambers. His body had finally caught up with itself, his brilliant and terrifying scales shimmered with promises of certain death and violent dismemberment; his wings effortlessly holding his massive weight as he idly flexed his four claws, deciding which ant he would like to obliterate first.
Runt found himself suddenly standing on the other side of the room with the rest of the party; huddled together within a 15’ area when Jathyn started casting. Snapping his head back and forth, he barely got his bearing before he realized that the sorcerer was twisting the magic necessary for them to take flight. The King of the North sneered at them with a cocked head, amused at their efforts. Runt felt the words shift the air around him and just has Jathyn completed, Runt caught the eye of the King of the North just as he pulled his head back and unleased a volley of flames their direction. Taking immediately to the air, Runt rolled out of the way of the fiery breath, pulling his momentum around with him while unwrapping the spiked chain from his body. He flew with near sloppy grace at the massive beast, his spine screaming at him to run away but his will shutting it out completely. This will be done.
Runt was lining up his positioning when Roken found footing against the wall and shoved off of it with shout, like a lightning bolt striking the heavens in reverse. The ancient foe saw him coming and with what appeared to be barely any effort at all, he fell the stoic monk as readily as an ant with wings. His broken body fell to the ground; his blood pooling on the floor like so much spilled ink from a storybook yet to be written and told.
He didn’t have to look at anyone else to know that they all collectively took one solid, meaningful pause and charged just the same. They all screamed a battle cry as bodies, magic, and weapons were all hurtled towards the king for such senseless and unnecessary death. He would pay for such an act, crown, or no crown.
A tail slammed against Runt as he got close, although his armor took the brunt of it, it rattled his teeth and he nearly dropped the spiked chain as he felt his nerves spasm a bit. Going off a hunch, he spun himself around to gain momentum, hooking his arm as he twisted around, his stomach lurching as he hooked his spiked chain around and struck at the dragon’s glimmering hide. He watched in shock as the spikes struck true and deep as he feel the chain gain purchase around the back side of the creature’s underbelly. He pulled hard on it, its hide rending into pieces, his head rearing back with burning eyes that promised it would taste his heart’s blood for such a blow.
That is when the Bardarian struck.
Her eyes flashing like a thunderstorm on an open plain, her falchion cut the very air as it carved chunks out of the front quarter of the beast, making Runt’s attack seem like an opening act. The dracomorph roared in pain and struck wildly at her for it, another blast of magic striking it in the chest as Runt repositioned himself. Drawing back, he aimed true yet again, aiming for the same area as he struck before, his chain disappearing around the back side of the dragon and once he felt it catch, he pulled back on it with all his might.
He knew he didn’t strike its heart, it wasn’t possible, it was too far inside its massive chest yet… He could feel the beat of the great bloodied thing, pounding against its own rib cage, panicking as it felt its shelter being torn into, it quickened itself as it could tell the great body it belonged to was dying. Runt felt the chain pull free finally, his hands covered in rich, heady bloody as the largest dragon he ever saw drooped downwards, his head crashing to the ground, his body following like a limp rag doll. He watched as the bloodied and heavy shook the ground a bit as it completed its all, it’s limbs twitching.
Without thinking about it, Runt flew down to the head of the King of the North, the wheezing had returned but he seemed to have a sense of … prideful resolve about his large, reptilian face. His eyes caught and tracked Runt and nodded a bit, as if to thank him for a proper, fair endgame; so he might die with honor and dignity. Coughing blood out of his throat, he willfully opened his eyes to look at Runt and stated in what was left of his voice in draconic a request, in words that even Runt could understand.
“My sword. Please.”
He could hear those who understood him panick a little but Runt flew up and fetched the sword just the same, making it a point to put it in his proper hand so that he might pass over armed. Runt stepped back and wished told the King of the North that he was an honorable opponent and worth to die by, in his best draconic. The King seemed both amused and pleased at his attempt at such a statement, as he fought no longer to stay in this world. His last breath slipped out of his body like a summer breeze as the rest of his long, near immortal life finally came to a close.
Runt dropped to his knees beside the beast, resting his hand on its hide and sighed.
It felt like an entire day had gone and past in the brief moment between when the great King of the North breathed his last and Runt remembered to breathe again.
He simply felt exhausted at that point. Whatever fire was breathing through him when the battle with the King of the North was going on had gone out inside of Runt and every ache he had been ignoring and powering through suddenly found it’s voice and started up a passionate harmonious chorus in his weary frame. And his stomach; it found it’s own voice in the cacophony that was his nervous system and alerted him that he hadn’t eaten anything in several hours, as he knew that an empty stomach was wise just before battle, as it meant there was less to be bound in the firespring that was his form.
Someone had moved their light source in the dimly lit room and the glistening of the King’s scales reflected sharply for a moment and the looming wall of corpse in front of called to him and his tanning techniques that he still had use for. He rubbed his eyes enough to gauge the depth of the body, where it would be best to make his starting cut to get past the rigid membrane that held the scales into place over the muscular frame of the great beast. There was just so much, he just shook his head, he couldn’t fathom that a dragon could be so large, so massive. He knew it would take him the better part of several hours to properly skin it but he knew his time frame was short; far shorter than his stamina so he needed to move quickly and deliberately. Focusing what he had left for his will, he located a section near one of the older wounds the King had sustained and started to cut through the thick hide with his skinning knife.
He heard what could only be described as a dragon roar that was put through a syphon pitched up to the sky as Neela screeched and flew over at top speed into Runt’s range, her claws grasping in midair. She bore a look of rage and concern in her reptilian features as Runt could barely make out the words in Draconic. He caught himself nearly waving her off with the tanning knife out of reflexive and paled inwardly at the idea – Neela meant nothing offensive about her sudden approach, although she was outraged. Runt stopped the cut he was doing, partially out of concern that sudden movement would tear the start he had carefully made and that he wanted to piece together what Neela was livid about.
It was then that the cleric of Gorhan, Gregor strode around the massive flesh mound that was the ruler’s corpse, his face pinched in anger and disapproving concern. His arms were swung open in a wide arch, clearly gesturing that Runt’s behavior was inappropriate and not considerate; his words drove like staves into Runt as he demanded to know why Runt would be so disrespectful to such a great and powerful foe. He looked shocked and disappointed at the smaller humanoid, who stood there in stark, rigid form, processing the behavior of what he considered to be reasonable and sensible party members.
Then it dawned on him that they were upset that he was skinning the King of the North.
Several emotional flooded him at that exact moment, so many of them he almost fell unto his back in the wake of the tide of their onslaught. He was tired, bloodied, worn out, and far, far away from anything he remotely called home, even if he knew what that even meant at all. Ice water felt like it was thrown on his raw nerves as he felt the color drain out of his face. He felt ashamed that it didn’t even dawn on him that he should be considerate of such a creature, that he had grown so much more respectful, that form and function was beginning to pool around him inside, that he felt stern in his life for once. And in the moment, it dawned on him that he had been gently leaning towards the teachings of Gorhan, that perhaps he could find justice and peace in his life in the ways of the Church, and somewhere inside of him, he started to … believe that he could trust in such a God.
And that belief was snapped in half; like a brittle castle in the wake of a storm. The destructive force that tore through such meager beginnings was every time the Law told him that he belonged to his family and they had a right to decide his Fate, that every law abiding person who ever stood in the name of justice would surely either leave him to die in the hands of evil or turn to such a ghastly force for their own designs, as his lost friend Meph had surely done so before they left Malac’s Cross. Runt wasn’t sure what he would come home to when they left but he knew the day they walked away, it was the last he would ever see what he considered to be his friend, one way or another.
And now this fickle man demands that he simply throw away his spoils to the dogs, that the gain from the death he helped bring together should be forsaken. As if the Dragon Kings themselves didn’t hoard?! DID THEY NOT BEHAVE THE SAME WAY?! He felt feverish as he dropped the tanning knife back into his satchel and wandered away from the Cleric, refusing to meet his eyes. He turned his back on him as the Law turned its back on Runt countless times. He felt the world unravel away from him once more, blood once cooled pulsing in his veins again. Embers that were quietly fading out rapidly were stoked up again in the belly of his soul and his eyes ignored everything that wasn’t ready to be stolen, broken, or destroyed. Shapes and sounds blurred around him until he spotted what he sought.
The thrones.
He moved quickly up the stairs, he could hear the cleric chanting something behind him but it was of no concern or interest to Runt. He would surely kill the man as he stood for denying him what he truly deserved, what he had earned in the heat of battle but he knew that the consequences would be far too risky and messy in the end. He would save his revenge for a day that was truly worthy of it. He reached the first throne on the high stone dias, it’s frame wrought with an embarrassment of riches and wealthy.
Too easy. He wanted a challenge. He knew that the Dragon kings were far too clever to not have some sort of readily accessible pocket or storage space for when they needed to respond immediately. He found the catch for the secret compartment that was in the base of the chair, a cleverly hidden leg plate on the right side of the chair. Not finding any wires or smelling anything, he flicked the first lever open.
He knew the second he pressed the plate, he had depressed it the wrong way and triggered the trap.
His senses nearly blew themselves out as he threw himself off to the right, his eyes spotting the vents mounted under the seat just in time for them to spit not doubt poisonous gas right where he stood. Having just enough forethought to let the gas dispate before checking the contents, he waved the remaining gas away and scooped out the contents of the seat; placing the potions and wand that he acquired on the ledge and continuing over to the King of the North’s throne itself.
Kicking away the rest of the crenelated granite around the throne, Runt was push himself hard to pay attention to make sure that he was more agile springing the trap on the seat, knowing full well that the last three were likely trapped as well. Carefully sliding a section of the lower underseat where the Dragonking could have readily done while seating, he lifted the seat’s hidden compartment up. He felt the spring’s tension give away and he was able to throw himself aside as a dagger the size of his forearm snicker-snacked through the lid and the base like a tongue between a set of lips, ready to razz him to death. He could hear someone off in a distance calling out to him but they were immaterial now, just birds on a seashore somewhere in a different world. All that was left was the thrill, the risk pounding through his veins, his blood ran scolding as he slinked down the stairs, moving past a dulled blur that tried to wave at him as he moved past. In the back of his mind he knew it was likely Gregor but he had nothing left to say to him, may his rules serve as a trapfinder once Runt was done.
Popping up to the parallel dias, he searched the throne enough to recognize that it was a similar arrangement as the previous one and easily drop his crow-bar into the spring mechanism into the loaded spring plate, he grinned like a maniac as he saw a wicked, arched blade poised to cut him down as he attempted to remove the contents of the compartment. He withdrew the sequestered contents of the casement and set them down in front of the throne that the spell casters he most certainly knew were following him.
One left.
He could almost feel drums playing in his head as he strode over to the last throne, which was undoubtedly the King of the West from the coloring of the gems embedded in the throne. He swore that he had the trap contained by sealing the gaps of the trap without opening the lid completely, his hand almost grasping what was inside when he felt a rush of air blow past his arm and suddenly his face was covered in acid.
Immediately he threw his hands around his face, attempting to wipe it off, completely forgetting that the magic in the armor he wore protected him. He felt its power sliding over him, the acid rolling off his face like water and as it dissipated, he found his face in his hands and his knees on the ground. He could hear the gentle flap of wings nearby, he would have waved Neela off if he could convince his hands to leave his face. He felt a soft hand on his shoulder, he really couldn’t tell who’s it was but it was soft and kind so he left it alone as he collected himself. He could hear murmuring somewhere past the elder dragon’s remains, voices echoing off the great cavern walls. He pulled the large staff like object out of the compartment, set it down on the ground and walked quietly down to the dias wall and sat down.
–
Hours passed. He went from feeling stupid to feeling empty to falling asleep. They shifted their watch shift around so he could rest, they must have because he woke up by feeling Thanya’s hand on his shoulder. He idly wondered if it was her hand earlier when he was distraught but it was never confirmed. For a woman that was strikingly beautiful, both physically and vocally, he never quite understood why she rarely spoke and half the time, she did so in a battle cry. Having watch with Thanya was a contrast of fact as she spoke so little and Quinn and Runt would speak for hours. In hindsight, Runt realized that the exchanges Quinn and Runt had were quite dangerous, for they were distracted enough that they might have been overtaken but … he was never concerned about that.
Thanya was something exotic and almost surreal to him. He couldn’t quite get his mind to comprehend her conceptually; she seemed to have many of the qualities that would make the McWac tribe quite impressed but he could tell that such behavior would easily be blown off by her. She had a primal passion to her that was subtle at times, only to rapidly explode into action, catching him as well as their opponents off guard just the same.
She smirked at him and he realized that he had been staring at her for the better part of… he didn’t know how long. She had been idly tuning her stringed weaponized instrument while cleaning it, and he attempted to play it off like he was fascinated by the relic she cared for but they both knew it was her that he was transfixed with. No words were being changed, just wordless feelings from across a tight circle around a tiny fire that Neela helped start. He pulled his eyes away and let them dance across the thrones out around them. He glanced back at her, a tool in her mouth as she seemed to have the bladed lute at an awkward angle, getting the strings in a proper place. Her eyebrow arched up subtly, in an unspoken understanding of those who lived outside the law. With a subtle sliding, she put the wires back into place and tweaked the twines a bit before softly strumming the strings. The notes slid out and curled around Runt’s ears, climbing inside and making him feel… at peace. And … confident.
He returned the raised eyebrow, to which she raised the ante with a smirk, daring him into action. He slipped out from his little perch, and quietly slipped up the stairs to the dias, his prying blade already floating in his hand. He looked back at Thanya, who had changed her chords a bit and softly, very so softly she sang – everyone at rest seemed to fall into a deeper rest and Runt… felt more clear headed than he had in quite some time. He smiled without hesitation then spun around to examine the throne. He felt like he had all the time in the world and there was no need to rush as he slid his prying blade under the first gem, getting behind it and carefully, so carefully pushing it out into his open hand.
An emerald that was size of a child’s heart rested in his hand. It was worth several thousands.
His eyes nearly leapt out of his head and he shared another speechless conversation with Thanya, who had nonchalantly sprawled herself against her pack, looking like a lounging amazon goddess who only had time to be relaxed and be adorned. How her hair glistened in the darkness, her eyes seemed mischievous as Runt made himself turn around and continue the process over, and over, and over again.
By the time he was done, the throne room was devoid of riches and the party had piles of wealth. Not soon after he wrapped up that the shift switched as Runt and Thanya shared the briefest understanding before going to their own bed rolls and he couldn’t help but wonder … what passed through her mind that night. She didn’t need to do anything but she seemed to understand far more than he could say.
It was the kind of evening that had healed Runt in ways he never quite could understand or see at the time. He was able to use his skills without fear, without pressure, and it was everything he ever thought he needed.
It had been a grueling several weeks, enough that he was quite certain that there were parts of his face that he missed when he shaved but couldn’t quite muster the emotional wherewithal to care. The night before left him bereft of anything more than functional energy and bones aching years before their time to do so. The ground felt much colder than it should have several hundred feet underground and harder than the diamonds his grandmother proudly wore around her neck.
The battle with the silver dragon was one in epic futility. The party had almost artistically prepared themselves for a battle that they were certain would bring the demise of at least one of them, if not all of them and in the end, such preparations was the first of many miscalculations that nearly cost them more than their lives. It was like they were children throwing stones at an oncoming storm to stop it.
The great, massive dragon loomed out of the Pool of Dreams, its waters frozen and still underneath it. It knew they were coming for it and it had waited as patiently as possible for them. His eyes swirling voids of bickering madness and out from its mouth spewed such a calamity that even the strongest of wills fell to its cacophonous chatter.
The next few moments felt like some of the worst dreams that Runt ever had to live through.
His mind tumbled drunkenly over itself, the values of the world around him shifting and swirling in a psychotic cesspool of muck and backwater. He felt his voice join in chorus with others, his words being gibberish and his mouth falling to answer to anything he attempting to relay to it. Spittle and drool pooled and spackled around him as he felt his own mind do something so vulgar that he could only describe it as shitting its own bed. Is this what happened to poor Meph, he wondered later.
He remembers vaguely swinging at Xana, his mind and heart certain with all great passion that she, she herself was behind this, that she lead them into a trap to die, mad and wild, with no one to ever find them. The moment the spell broke and he recalled everything, his heart nearly broke at the idea that he ever rose his hand in anger at her, a sweet elf who did nothing more but protect him and capriciously devour tomes like a ravenous badger. She told him over and over again that it wasn’t his fault, but guilt would linger some time in his heart, more so that he was helpless to stop it from happening.
The final futile moment had to be when he knew, he knew for certain that the great wyrm had regained its facilities and was coming to his senses, right when the ceiling shattered and the whole came crashing down around the majestic beast. He howled in frustration; he nearly flew over to the boulders, weakly grasping at them to roll them away, his heart sank as he knew that one of the last great dragons was surely dead and with him, centuries of knowledge and a soul that had no interest in hurting anyone, no desire but to live and learn, proof that dragons could be the majestic creatures they were meant to be. Dead. Gone.
He quickly fled down the opening that was created when the Pool of Dreams, millennia of dragon ether, poured down into the mountain’s core. He briefly wondered if they would wind up inside the dispenser that they used to distill the ether to open the portal but the party’s survival quickly overcame any unnecessary thoughts.
He felt his wobbly legs come into full contact as the flight spell that Jaithyn cast on him wore off. He moved quickly, trudging through bit lit corridors and fishers that were created from the cracking of the mountain, adjoining rooms that had no earthy purpose to be connected.
He had long enough to wonder what lay waiting for them in the mountain’s crypts when he was attacked by one of them.
Xana explained later that they were remnant spirits that were caught in the Ether from processed dragons that made up the Pool of Dreams. Runt just found them to be remarkably obnoxious; an insult injury regarding how ready he was to be done, to be back home a in feather bed for one night – long enough for him to get restless the next morning for the next adventure.
After two remarkably frustrating combats, he knew that they needed to find a place to camp. He hadn’t wanted to admit it but he was rapidly urning for sunlight, as cold as it would be where they would surface, he didn’t care. He wanted to breathe fresh air and see the blinding, unforgiving sun again. He kept wanting to press forward but the spell casters were understanding exhausted.
Gregor quickly found his voice among the weary and insisted that they double back and rest more. Runt’s eyes narrowed into slits; he felt in his bones that if they kept going, they could avoid a possible cave in and be trapped; the rogue had no desire to make it this far only to be buried alive in some shrine for an extinct species. Quickly the old tension between Runt and Gregor heated up again and he felt his blood begin to rise again. Blowing the Law man off, Runt traveled down the passage, hoping to at least find a room that was larger, less filled with holes, and potentially more stable.
What he found was far from stable.
It was a monstrosity that looked like a nasty combination of both Xana and Meph’s expertise pressed into one rotting, decayed, flawed, yet still … animated corpse of dragon. Metal buttressed missing sections of a cracking skeleton of a dragon, its eyes were shrunken pits of rage and filth, it’s frame literally creaked as it swiveled it’s deformed head towards Runt. It felt like someone had thrown ice water around his ankles but yet they refused to move as it swore to him in draconic and charged his direction. Hung around the abomination’s neck was a massive capped jar of greenish ichor, magical and holy symbols glowed with menacing, seething energy as the beast continued to shout at Runt, charging all the way.
Runt nearly threw himself to the ground as it came at him, its first attack was wild, much to Runt’s surprise. It roared in anger, throwing its head back in a motion that Runt readily recognized as a dragon that was preparing to breathe its weaponized attack. He caught enough of the dragon’s rant (and the rest was translated by Neala through Xana’s magical communication spell) to know that the monster in front of them was seeking the King of the West; and it dawned on Runt that he wore of his children’s scales for armor. Quickly drawing the massive halbard like it was a standard, he did his best to state in Draconic that the King of the West was at rest and they were the ones who finally put him that way.
In hind sight, Runt realized that he had told the monster that banana umbrellas are lovely unless it rains.
It breathed it’s toxic acid across the hallway threshold, Runt dropping the halbard as quickly as possible to dive out of the way. He drew his spiked chain and swung wildly at it, hearing a loud clank when it hit the mottled hide of the fused experiment. Roken sprang past him, throwing a series of small shuriken at the creature in rapid succession. He sprang back out of the way as the dragon swung it’s claws, catching Runt clean in the chest with one of the claws. He felt it cut through the scales, digging into his skin, the pain burned as Runt grunted against it and then the strangest thall ing happened, he couldn’t feel it anymore.
He looked down at his chest, thinking at first that it just scratched him. He could clearly see blood pouring out of the wound and that’s when his spine shook; what if the blow dealt to him was necrotic? In the process of withdrawing enough to pull his crossbow, he realized that he couldn’t feel anything around the area of the wound at all, that it felt like it was already dead.
He could be dying right there.
He looked up in time to notice that Xana and Jaithyn had kept specifically hitting the ichor filled vial around the dragon’s chest and he watched as chunks of the jar blew off, the sickening green substance was dripping out. The dragon seemed almost for a second, the briefest moment, slow down.
Runt felt everyone pull back and he made up his mind, if he was going to die, it was going to be on his terms. He fired a shot at the canister, missed, and reloaded a second one just as fast. He could hear Gregor, Xana, and Thayna yell at him to withdraw. No, not if he could save them from dying as well. From the touch of the dragon’s diseased claw. He fired another round, this time striking the jar and knocking a small section out. Xana and Jaithyn fired their magic at it again, doing further damage, it roared in frustration and attempted to take another attack at Runt.
A final blow of magic nailed it straight in the jar’s center and whatever magic that held together finally gave out and the mechanical beast clawed at the air frantically as it squirmed and grasped the best it could at air that would never be anything other than a casual element to it now. It collapsed entirely to the floor, Runt swung his spiked chain around his body, drawing his long sword as he went and lopped its head off for good measure.
He felt the sickness begin to spread through his body, his worn out, tired body almost wept as he felt dark, lethal relief creep into his shell. He hadn’t consciously recalled moving forward but he found himself halfway into the beast’s cave with Thayna suddenly standing before him, her arms held up in a defensive stance; determined to make sure Runt didn’t travel any further.
Begrudgingly, he allowed himself to be corralled back to the Law man, whom Runt was rapidly losing any respect that he had left for the man. The cleric flashed one of his jovial smiles and at one point, Runt was immediately set at ease at the sight of the jolly man, his lit up face rolling the half-elf’s dark clouds away. But this time it felt like a cheap imitation, a painted horizon. Gregor laid his hands on Runt, while chanting to his God to heal Runt so that he might continue to be a warrior for the cause. He felt his stomach churn onto itself, Gorhan’s cause. Such frivolous folly. Desires of a lofty, remote God who was willing to allow innocent creatures to do it’s bidding while it safety reclined, far from danger. The larger man looked Runt over after healing him, telling him that he would need more work to be done in the morning if he wanted to live. Runt barely could make eye contact as he nodded.
He vaguely remembers rolling out his sleeping roll before he was away from the tiresome, rough world, slipping away from it like a summer breeze. From what he could recall later on, his dreams were devoid of meaning or purpose, nothing more than wandering the field he used to as a child out side of the McWac Barony, before the sun set and they were forced into the compound for their… protection. But in his dreams, there was a sweet blonde girl that held his hand as they walked in the fields together and when he looked at her, she beamed softly at him, with a face that knew the ages and what was meant to come.